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Talking to your teens about an impending divorce is something you may not look forward to, but essential to helping your kids through this transitional period in their lives. Each year, 2.5 million people get divorced according to the U.S. Census Bureau (www.census.gov), and their children need extra support and encouragement of their parents. By opening the lines of communication and discussing changes that will take place, you can help prepare them for the dramatic change that will occur. It’s possible for teens from a divorced home to thrive and succeed if they know one or both parents are available for support. Here are a few ways you can explain divorce to your teens and help them cope with the complicated feelings they have.
  • Be sure of your decision. Don’t use the word divorce around your teen if you and your spouse are separating for a time. This will cause confusion if you and your spouse decide to reunite.
  • Maintain the relationship. The parent with the strongest relationship with the teen should be the one to begin the discussion. Teen needs talk with the parent with whom they feel most comfortable.
  • Communicate your love. Let your teen know that the divorce is not their fault and that they are loved and accepted by both parents.
  • Tell them what is really happening. Don’t try to gloss over the situation and give vague answers. Your teens need to understand the situation and why it’s happening. Make it clear that they had nothing to do with the decision to divorce, and don’t try to get them to choose sides.
Let them know that things change when people go through divorce. Discuss what may happen in the future such as living and school arrangements. Finally, open the door of communication by letting your teen know you’re always available to talk. It’s important to listen to the things they’re saying, even if they’re hurtful to you.
Divorce and Daily Life
After a teen’s parents separate or are divorced, many changes will occur. But there are ways you can maintain consistency in your home that will help you all adjust to the new arrangements.
  • Let your teen have a permanent place to sleep in both households. Teens especially need their space and area to get away.
  • Make sure that both parents spend time with the teen individually to build a sense of closeness and also develop special memories.
  • Don’t ask your teen to be a messenger between you and your ex-spouse. You should talk with him or her instead of sending money, questions, requests, or legal papers with the teen.
  • Maintain a regular schedule so that your teen knows when he or she will be with each parent. Use a calendar with the dates clearly marked to avoid confusion.
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